If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
