I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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