I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
