is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
