I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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