Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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