Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
