I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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