Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
