I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
