so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
