Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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