So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
