i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
