You're so nebulous sometimes
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
