yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
