it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
