Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
