So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
