You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
