I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
