By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
did i walk over a car last night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
