cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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