I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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