Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
