I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
