Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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