she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
