smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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