Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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