No more Irish car bombs ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
