great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
