zippers are such a cool invention
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
