is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
