I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
