Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
