do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
