WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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