So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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