My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
