I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I smell stomach acid.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
