i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
