no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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