I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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