This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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