When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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