He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
