my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
