when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
