My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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