I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
